"3 good friends, a guitar and an amp/

a docent, a student and a connect 4 Champ"

This is something I wrote way back on October 15th but didn't post on this blog. Now I figure it's worth the addition.

So I'm back in the Bay Area and life is... normal.

Not a sidewalk disturbed or a leaf out of place in this town. It's almost as if I never went anywhere. Kinda like I fell asleep and had the most amazing dream for 6 days straight. But just like a dream, when you wake up, if you don't think about it right away and try and remember what happened everything gets jumbled and out of order.



The plane hasn't even landed yet and I know this what I want to do with most of my life. Travel. I'm coming in over the sleeping city of London. It's the dark that happens when the universe breathes in for 20 minutes before exhaling the light of a new day through the streets and bedroom windows of it's millions. At that moment in time, suspended in space, gazing out from the plane's window I felt a feeling I never even knew existed. It was the feeling of endless possibility. We passed over boroughs, streets, houses, families. All of them at the starting blocks for the day ahead. Everything was brand new and just laid out there like the Earth was offering me a buffet. This country was new. This city was waiting to be explored. These streets were mysteries. These people were waiting to share their secrets. The day was seconds from beginning and for me it was the start of a new life. For one who had never left the country before, this was a candy store and I had just been told to take whatever I please and leave whatever I don't.

I'm in Westminster which for all I knew was still just London and I was searching for something that resembled breakfast. Muffin maybe? My pursuit brought me down the candy aisle which was similar to leaving the kindergarten yard and realizing that there was a bigger and better playground you had never been told about. There were at least 4 different kinds of Kit Kat, none of them the original and right next to them a candy bar that was called "Yorkie" with the tag line "It's NOT for Girls!"

Sitting in the Airport in Minneapolis, my only possessions at this point being a backpack filled to the breaking point with Clothes, Books, and Candy, I try and understand what I'm feeling. It's a weird parallel to an old mood. It's as if everyone at gate F14 is moving as a single unit, as a family of people all interconnected in some way. And to them I'm just a part of the background, given about as much thought as the chair I'm sitting in. Like I'm not really even a part of this world, I'm supposed to exist somewhere else.

As I sat there in the chair in a pub tens of thousands of miles away from where I lived, talking to Alex made me feel at home. It was as if that was where I belonged. Not necessarily in that pub but in that moment. I'm really glad Stacy found a friend like that. She's going to be the one that keeps her sane while she's over there. And the one who keeps me sane while she's over there too. I'm not so worried about her anymore knowing that Alex is there.

This city is like SF spread out over the area of LA. There are street performers painted all one color. There are homeless in the parks just trying to relax. There are a thousand different languages and dialects being spoken. There are tourists. There are locals. There is shitty food. There are delicious meals. There are ghettos. There are mansions. There are trains, buses and more taxis on the road than cars. It's like someone took the city I love and made it brand new to me. I've spent my life exploring SF and there's still so much I don't know. With London I've got my work cut out for me.

When will this kid shut the fuck up? Ok, I understand you've been to Iraq. Yes you've killed people before. You've persevered through ridiculous odds. That isn't an excuse bitch. It shouldn't take away from your character it should add to it. And if in fact it did add to it then I don't even want to know what you were like before hand. You're 26 but you drink and get the manners of an inbred country bumpkin with the maturity level of a 4th grader. Tell me that I'm supposed to feel good cause' you're looking out for Stacy while I'm not there again and I'll put my fist straight through your face.

A simple pepperoni pizza from London might've been the best thing that's ever graced my lips. Or it could be that it was just the first food I ate coming back from the end of the world. I've never been truly dehydrated like that in my life. It wasn't that I drank that much alcohol because I didn't, it was simply that I hadn't had a water intake since Monday. That was one of the worst experiences my body has ever had. It's a very close second to how I felt laying in bed post-op from my knee. But then all the pain came from one place. When you're dehydrated everything hurts. Drink water kids.

What we decided was the right thing. It's what has to happen. I repeat this to myself over and over and over again. It's 4 am at least and Stacy's been asleep for an hour maybe more. She can't fully experience London and truly be happy here the way we've been living this past month. There's about 3 emails a day each and phone calls at least every other. That's not her living in London and that's not me living in Alameda. We were both in a suspended state where neither one of us was gonna accomplish anything because all we could see was the relationship we left behind when we went forward with our lives. This is in no way the end of things, and the truth is, we're going to be coming in and out of each others lives for the next year at least. There isn't a solid block of time longer than a month really where we're gonna be able to be together and that's that. So this is the right thing to do. We'll be together when I'm back across the pond but for now it's not that black and white. If you ask me if I have a girlfriend the answer is no. If you ask me if I'm single, It's complicated (thanks facebook). Which is fine, right? Isn't that what guys dream about? Having a girlfriend who's only a girlfriend when she's around? Then why am I sitting here at 5 am now across from Stacy awake. It's the "what ifs" that get you. What if she realizes that this saying good bye part is too hard and she doesn't want to do it again? What if one of us comes back into this and decides that it just isn't the same as it used to be, it's just not worth it anymore? What if she really did hook up with someone, would I be able to move past it like I say I would? What if I hooked up with someone, would she be able to handle that at all? What if I am crazy, what if all the times she's told me it was a bad idea to trust her as much as I do she was right? What if I should have ran in the other direction? What if I lose her? What if this is it? It's 6 am now. It's gonna be an interesting couple of hours pretty soon here.

"You know, you probably should stay forever. I don't want you to leave!!" said Jackie. Thanks Jack, if it were up to me I never would. The two of us are standing in line at McDonald's. She wants a burger and I'm in desperate need of a chocolate shake to go along with the meal I purchased on my last run through of this line. I look over to where Stacy's standing with the rest of the group. She's dipping 4 fries into her chocolate shake with one hand and taking a huge bite out of her Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese with the other. Goddamn she's beautiful.

I'm back on BART. My home away from home. I've spent so much time on this public transit system that it calms me down no matter how many dozens of unruly children I'm supposed to be keeping a watchful eye on. Sitting here on the last train from SFO puts things into perspective, and lets me form precise clear thoughts. She's in love with me, not only does she tell me that all the time, she looks me in the eyes and means it with everything she has. I love her too. Shad is one beast of a rap artist. Who knew Canadians had rap? This plan really is gonna work out between the two of us. It's adult, it's mature, it's responsible. It's all the things that without realizing it we're growing up to be. Sure it's gonna be an uphill battle the whole way almost but it's what is gonna make the two of our lives apart easier for the time being. It's also something we're gonna have to do plenty of times in our future. Cause' honestly I can't see us ending more than we are right now which really isn't an end at all. It's the comma instead of a period theory. Which is actually pretty scary to think about but that's not at all what this post is about. My point is that I'm optimistic again. Thanks BART. You do me right.

It's time to hit the HBC and pick up a paycheck, then hit Mills and pick up a Pat. Then hit Gamestop and pick up a DS, oooh yeeeeh.