Shamwow.

They hold some ridiculous amount of water and you can get 8 for $19.95 for the next 45 minutes.

It really is the chase and the beginning that I'm all about.

Watch your elbow is about as legit as check feet.

Pat's got a gift and a curse, it's rough times.

Keyboard's aren't pianos.

Morals have holes.

R.I.P. Donna

The jeepskis can take right turns without touching the wheel.

Red is disgusting

All games are made better when played with Connor.

Pat and I have sub-conversations without words and it's kinda creepy.

Peanut Butter Banana and Honey is a magic combination.

This ACL tear has slowed my life down and humbled me all at once.

I still can't play Moonlight Sonata and no one but me is frustrated with that.

Kaz told me he looks up to me, and I've rarely felt more accomplished.

I've never smoked a cigarette in my life and that doesn't seem weird to me.

Ray Mazur bought be a slice and a half of Pepperoni and Pineapple yesterday.

Pamplemousse is grapefruit in french.

Chicago's gonna be so sick.

My mind hasn't stopped to sit still since last night, and I still can't be sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. The truth is, someone to sit close and talk to and a kiss goodnight are all I really want. The rest of the stuff isn't too important.




Reflection means more than Image. It's how you see yourself, not how others see you.

Stationary for the Stationary.

So yesterday I went and got an examination from an orthopedic surgeon in Berkeley. On the way there my mom and I half argued about me wearing my seat-belt (I've got this leg brace contraption on that makes me sit sideways in the back seat so seat-belts aren't the most comfortable thing in the world) and we struggled to find the entrance to a street that was blocked on both sides with huge planters. When we did we found two parking structures, one that cost $2.50 every half hour and was right next to the surgeons office and one across a huge street with no crosswalk for $1.50 an hour. Dirty leg injury already costing me money. We sit for awhile and fill out forms that ask me things like "do your symptoms involve an injury?" While I'm filling it out I chat with a man going in for his 3rd knee surgery and decide I'm going to do whatever it takes to fix this sprain the first time around.

In the office I meet the Dr. His names not Pepper and I can't decide how disappointed I actually am. He bends. He twists. Does this hurt? Do you feel this? He sits and then tells me exactly what I don't want to hear.

For the past few days I've been talking with Cameron Stewart. She had a similar injury which was a torn MCL and has bounced back from it and is playing rugby again now. On top of that she's a Kinesiology major so I figured she'd be the best person to talk to. Based off what she said it might be just from hearing how it happened and from what the trainers on the field told me I was tricking myself into believing that it was a sprained tendon and nothing more, that I'd most likely even be back for the end of the club season. Already wondering if Taylor would let me play it out with them if B.A.G. never made it off the ground.

He looks me in the eyes and my parents don't even exist in the room anymore.
"We still need to do an MRI but from how your shin moves in the ways it shouldn't I'm pretty positive we're dealing with a partially torn MCL..."

In my head I say, 'shiet, that's gonna take a while longer to heal. but it could be worse it could be,'

"And a completely torn ACL."

'oh my black jesus.'

Anything but that, he tells me that most athletes return to full strength and function after the surgery, but he's not an athletic doctor he spouts this reassurance because that's what the books pamphlets and brochures tell him. As an athlete I know that's not true. Sure you can come back to the sport you played, but the knee won't be as fast, won't be as strong and stable. The competitive edge I had over the rest of the players I went up against, because I was young and athletic and only getting faster and stronger, was gone. This is a need for a surgery. School couldn't happen, even aside from the surgery how would I get there and back? If I can't do school then how can I maintain full time status and stay on the insurance to get the surgery? Work couldn't happen, can't run around with children if I can't even walk? My shots good, but not enough to win knockout without moving. And if I can't walk and can't get paid then how am I going to keep living in my house in SF? Plus I hate living in alameda, that's a step backwards. Times are looking bleak and it's not even a definite thing yet.



But life goes on, I'm gonna have to find someone to take over the rent (anyone want to live with kyle?), I gotta talk to my teachers and hope there's an online option to finish these classes. I gotta talk to Erin and find out someway to get a stationary position going on at the Club. I'm positive she'll have no problem with that. The only thing with an overly bleak outlook is ultimate, and what I'm telling myself at this point is, at least it happened now. If it had happened when i was 23 or 25, the bounce back wouldn't have been as strong. I'm gonna make it back, and I'm gonna sky the shit out of people. I've still got 4th and 5th year eligibility when I get back to pushing my peak performance. One year break is what the other teams get, then it's back to never trapping matty on the backhand side. Until then I'll hold down the other number 22 on the sideline.


I've never really been all about the blog but as my ninja T-Bone pointed out I've got a lot more time now. It's not certain yet but I just might go crazy enough to regularly put the ideas that mean naught to anyone but me online through my sophomore level writing skill. We'll see.


Good luck at sectionals Nonnie. Keep at those muffins.